Whoever said four kids is easy is either a.crazy b.the rarest of moms who has all her shit together or c.does not have four kids. My guess is it’s the latter. One kid is life changing, two is enough for each hand, three…now you’re outnumbered, so why is four labeled as ‘less stressful.’ Fuck that! I’m losing my shit on a daily basis and it totally does not help when I hear I should be more at peace with my inner goddess or whatever.
I read somewhere (when I googled “how the fuck am I going to handle four” during my pregnancy while freaking out and trying to make myself feel better) that when you have four kids, you let go of the little things like cleaning as much and baby proofing. I can tell you from experience, I’m not letting it go, I just don’t have the time to do it. So on top of having a filthy house that’s not babyproofed, I cringe for every cheerio I step on and run to every noise that sounds like the cleaning cabinet opening, yet don’t have the time to do anything about it. Let me tell you something, when they say you’re in survival mode as a mom, that’s not a good thing.
I also read (on another google bender) that having four kids is great because everyone wants to come to your house because it’s exciting all the time. AWESOME. So not only do I need to have my four trashing my house, but I get to host the whole fucking neighborhood because our chaos is somehow entertaining?! Go to the fucking zoo if you need entertainment.
Oh, I can’t forget about the pro fourth kid point about everyone having a playmate. That must have been a typo….Did they mean wrestling partner?? So now instead of one fight breaking out and the third playing referee, I can get two matches going at once. Lovely. I might as well start a betting pool. I got $20 on Georgia. The death grip she puts on the cat shows promise.
So here’s what I can say about having four. I can spot hand foot and mouth like a 30 year practicing pediatrician. Perdue chicken nugget stock is rising this year from my purchases alone. I’m saving money on gas because I don’t go anywhere without backup. And I have never been happier and felt more complete. Four is our number in all its messy, yucky, chaotic glory. And whatever number your’s is, whether it’s 1 or 10 (if you have 10 and are not in a straight jacket, 🙌🏻) own your brand of crazy. Oh, and don’t ever try and tell me that four is easy or I will tell you to fuck off.